My high school had an old, senile librarian. Out of boredom created by an uneventful study hall, I made up a story about my friend urinating in an indiscreet corner of the libray. After dumping some warm mountain dew in the space I told the librarian the tale. Immediately she waddled down the hall to the Dean of Discipline’s office and told him of the horrid offense. For whatever reason, the Dean thought it might be true so he pulled my friend out of class, dragged him down to the library and the trio took turns smelling the liquid on the floor. If I recall correctly I believe the liquid was deemed to not be urine likely due to my friend’s strong objective remarks “WHY WOULD I PISS IN THE LIBRARY?” “DO YOU NOT SEE THOSE IDIOTS LAUGHING OVER THERE”. No detention was issued.

In high school I filled out an application to a small liberal arts college and went through the trouble of writing the essay. As writing an honest essay is no fun I filled it in with tales of abusive drunken parents, dark cellars of punishment, and, maybe most out of line, crackhead mothers. I turned the essay into the counselor who apparently does not read the essays before he mails them out. The application package made it’s way to the college admission officer who, needless to say, was not real amused. Missed a basketball workout for that one.

Some guys on my JV basketball team found an unlocked padlock in the rafters of the locker room. In act of pure stupidity they put the lock on another players locker. Having no idea where the lock came from they had no method for removing the lock. The poor kid had to wear his practice uniform, basketball shoes and shorts home in the snow.